She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
