the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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