Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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