found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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