She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Did we literally take a cab across the street
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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