I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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