I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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