Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
