textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
