So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
