Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Did I show you my penis last night?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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