Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
