i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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