if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
