Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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