wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
