I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
