We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
