You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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