I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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