i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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