I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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