Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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