this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
