thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
