I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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