I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
