Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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