My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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