I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
