what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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