Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
