my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
