Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have demons in me.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
