The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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