She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
