I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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