We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
