How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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