I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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