haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
