A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
