I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize