Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Is it because I queefed?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
