I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
