Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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