So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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