i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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