in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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