i would one night stand the shit outta him
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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