Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
