she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
