She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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