dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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