I think my vagina is haunted
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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