so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
