Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
