Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
