Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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