Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
