I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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