Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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