We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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