We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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